Sunday, May 5, 2013

Aftermath

Since I can't sleep anyway, I figured I may as well blog.

So the divorce is final, as you can see my name has changed.  I waited until the change was finalized before changing it on blogs etc.  I still have yet to change my license, but I did change some other things.  It's still very hurtful for me to even think about these things.  In my heart I'm still married to my husband, when in reality he's gotten what he said he wanted a year ago.  He didn't get it in the way he wanted, I'm sure, but he got it all the same.

Anyway, enough about that, it makes me cry, and I'm a bit tired of crying.

My hands, feet, hip and one of my ankles has been acting up lately whenever I try to lie down.  They just feel all hollow and achy.  That just makes me fidgety and unable to sleep.  I'm kind of tired of not having a set schedule, ANY SCHEDULE would do.  As long as it was consistent I think I'd be happy.  It's all well and good to sleep when and if I can, but at some point I'd like to see if I can get to the point where I'm healthy and consistent enough to get back to work.  If my issues with sleeping, anxiety attacks and back pain can be addressed I think there's a really good chance that can happen.

I'm not sure what of these things can be helped, if at all, but I'm willing to try, as long as they don't torture me to death in the process.  There are other issues, but I think these are the worse ones, and the ones keeping me from being able to see any kind of future for any career at the moment.  I've consistently prayed that God help me find the stability I need to get better.  I hope that comes sometime soon.

I had a weepy day today, I have a lot of them, but today seemed to be a bit worse.