Monday, December 26, 2016

Dear God

I prayed, and I will continue to do so, but I thought maybe writing this all down might help to amplify my voice and the voices of others who desperately need your help and love right now.

Yesterday was Christmas, and I hoped for a Christmas miracle.  It didn't happen.  We all got together, as a family, but there was someone missing.  Someone who says, "I'm fine." but we all know that's not so.  We all laughed and enjoyed one another's company, but we all felt that hole in our family circle.  Someone who needs You right now, someone who needs to know how integral a part of us all he is.  We know he's facing some really hard crises right now, and we do our best to understand though we might not always have the right words to set him back on the right path.  We can't possibly understand the weight of what he's feeling at this moment, but we DO understand he's missing right now, and he's alone because he won't let us in.  We all felt the weight of that yesterday.  I know right now we all know he's fought difficulties for years in the past and won.  God he won, please remind him he did, and so he can again.  I know he can.

Bring the light of understanding to him that he needs to fight.  He HAS to, for himself most of all, but for his little girl who loves and needs him so much.  He has to, for us all, because we need him.  I need my little brother, mom and dad need their son, my other brothers need their brother, and my sister needs him too.  His nephews need him so that one day he can be that uncle that they know was so strong he overcame so many obstacles.  He's run this obstacle course before, maybe in a different way, with a different obstacle but he won that race and he can win again.  God, let him know I know it's SO hard to keep going sometimes.  Believe me, I feel that way too, and there's a lot wrong in my life also, but I keep going because I must, because I have people that need me too, so I know what it is to fight, even if it's not the same battle, it's a battle none the less.

If he needs me, open his heart and let him know I am here.  I'm here and I'm not going anywhere.  I will come and be there for him as a sister and a friend because I love him.  Even if my car breaks down I will walk there if I must, because if he needs me, I will be there and that's that.  He is a huge part of my life, and I want to keep him in it.  I claim him, and I always will as my brother.  I don't have a lot, but I have love, I have an ear, and a shoulder.  They're his for as long as he needs them.  Please let him understand that alone isn't the way.  Alone only makes things worse and harder to bear.  When there is a burden, it's easier with a family to share the weight of it.

God, touch him, and all those who, like him who are going through these times, Your hand is big enough to touch the whole world.  Make him and them all understand there is no alone, because You are there.  Force their hearts open so that the love of those around them can flood inside and help the healing begin, and give them the strength to fight back.  He needs to fight that darkness and step away from that bottomless pit, pull them all back from the brink.  My brother is hurting, but though he might be the one I mostly feel, it wakes in me the knowledge that there are so many hurting in much the same way and they all need our love.  We all know at least one, and maybe together we can hold hands and send all our love to them all with Your help.

God, help us all claim our missing family members back this year, and help us all to heal, because I don't want another Christmas to be missing a vital part of our family.