Insomnia

Insomnia is a giant pain in the butt.

It's exhausting laying in bed for hours and hours trying to fall asleep with your eyes closed.  It's even MORE exhausting and emotionally draining as well as completely frustrating to chase your butt around the clock trying to get and maintain some semblance of normalcy.  It's lovely when I have a schedule where I wake even if it's early am, to have the majority of my waking hours be those of "normal" sleep.  That means making appointments, with agencies, doctors or even family is much easier, and then I feel great because I'm not letting others or myself down by not making my engagements.

When my sleep becomes erratic or even non existent, that's when I get angry, frustrated, anxious and even sad because I feel I'm letting other's down, and that's a horrible feeling.  Family, and loved ones are important to me, and naturally, it makes me feel like by letting them down, they might feel less than cherished by me, and nothing could be further from the truth.  I absolutely adore my family, and I feel blessed each and every day to have them in my life.

I do my best, even when my sleep is horrible, to try and still make my appointments, ESPECIALLY with family.  Sometimes, my body just says no, you can't do that right now, snoooooore.  While crashing for sometimes a day or so at a time can finally make you feel "rested" even that's exhausting since when you wake from such a state, you're dehydrated and groggy for much of the day afterward.  On the one hand it's like you're saying, yay I had sleep, but on the other it's like saying, geez I slept for THAT long?  How can I waste that much time sleeping all at once?  You lose days, and that's never something that's pleasant.

Some of my family has also has issues with this, but I pray every day that theirs improves and that it never gets as bad as what mine has developed into.