Friday, April 22, 2016

Crossroads At Passover

So, tomorrow is passover, and I find myself with so many crossroads.

I pray just about all day every day, God is forever at the front of my thoughts.  Perhaps this is a good sign that so many new paths are here all at once.  I have a new legal team to help me battle on.  I've had a few appointments with them and they've taken measures to set up our battle front already.  I had called on the 11th to request a new physician since the one I've been working with for several years has not remedied the addition of diagnosis of diabetes to my record, which she never bothered to do a base testing for prior to adding it.  I got a call this week to schedule an appointment with the new physician which will be in June, but now that ball is set in motion.  Then today, the apartment manager brought by a letter reminding me that my lease will be up soon.  So many new things in only one week, and now I must think long, hard and deeply what action to take reference my living situation as well.

For years I lived here with the same rent, until last year when a new "management" firm took over this apartment complex, and I saw the first increase.  Now in this letter there will be another increase, which would put rent here, higher than rent in another complex with 2 bedrooms and washer/dryer hookups in the units, they pay electric and heat, and I would pay water and trash.  Here is my conundrum, I have Fuzzbutt, who was a stray, and is currently an in/outdoor kitty with no front claws.  That is a major concern since I have no desire to have her internal kitty compass go wonky and her get lost if she gets out.  I would have to try and keep her indoors for a while to allow her to get accustomed to the new environment and surroundings.  Then there is the concern that I'm not physically capable of a move, so I would need to finance movers along with other things, and lastly, if this is temporary once my case is finished, I would like to try and find a permanent place, maybe a mobile home even, near where my grandparents used to live.  If I were to find something like that, then I'd have to prepare to move AGAIN, and move the fuzzy one, I don't relish uprooting her at all, let alone a couple of uprootings.

I have begun to hate this apartment complex, since this mismanagement company took over, it's gone downhill with light speed, and it's all but turned into a slum, with slumlords.  They keep making more and more "rules" that are supposedly to create a better environment, but all it does is make people that have been here for years more and more bitter.  I've seen more than one person just decide to leave recently, after having had them as neighbors for years.  Honestly, I'm at a loss for what to do.  I know physically, a place with a washer and dryer in my home would be healthier for me AND be something I could do a bit easier physically since now I take my laundry down to the laundry room in a cart which still hurts me quite a bit.  This month our laundry facility was out of order for nearly a month after another resident apparently tried to rip the card loading machine off the wall, which I called in a police report about when I saw it soon after it happened.  They "fix" woodwork and other things around the units and don't even bother to try and paint them the same color as the unit, and it just looks like trash, not to mention that naked wood will rot much sooner than treated and painted would.

All in all, I feel it's time to move on, but there are things that make me feel like I should hang on a bit longer.  Perhaps I should just start with talking to the people that own the other property, and find out how much everything would cost since I'm sure movers would be several hundred dollars all by itself.  I'm sitting here thinking about trying to move and feel like I'm about to have an anxiety attack over it for more than one reason.  Honestly, the place with two rooms would be cheaper in more than one way, and I probably SHOULD do everything in my power to see that this move happens, but I'm afraid of the cost, the process, and that poor fuzz might get lost in the shuffle.

HELP ME GOD!  My personal mantra all day every day.  Help me to do the right thing.  Help me to be able to see it, to recognize it, and to move toward it.  Help me to be able to afford to live, to eat, to do what I must when I must.  Help me to be brave.  In a few short hours it is Passover, and I hope that all the promises in Exodus are mine this year.  That His angels come to prepare my way for me, that God Himself will take his place as my general to fight for me, that He will see that I have all I need.  I don't think it's a mere coincidence that all these crossroads have come together JUST before passover, in circumstances that will not happen again for another 500 years.  All God's children have the sacred blood of the lamb on their houses, and all of you should be mindful that THIS YEAR, THIS PASSOVER, is His time.  There are signs in the heavens that will not occur for another 500 years that show that this year is a very powerful time for Him, and I would expect miracles.  I've already seen some this week in all the crossroads appearing before me.  Now, I have to do my part and figure out what all the right roads to take are.

I just wish I were wiser than I am.